Okay awesome

Recently in a discussion with an athlete about nutrition we stumbled upon a concept that might help to bring some perspective to the constant struggle many face when it comes to balancing exercise, rest, and nutrition. I came up with a simple model to illustrate the relationship between desired results and the effort required to achieve them. It will certainly be a great post and I am almost as eager to write it as you are to read it. That was my full intension but literally minutes before I sat down to post I got a phone call that made the world seem bright and new. A story which must be shared. Nutrition and rest can wait The CrossFit relevance is clear. Enjoy.

Scene- My Kitchen/Day. The phone rings and I answer.

Me:...

Irvine: Hello?

Me: Hey

Irvine: It's Irvine. I have to tell you a story

Me: How long is it?

Irvine: Not long and regardless it is awesome and well worth the time investment.

Me: Ok

Irvine: There is this girl and she has a snake.

Me: Who is she?

Irvine: A friend of mine. You don’t know her. Listen, she has this snake. It is a boa constrictor.

Me: How big is it?

Irvine. I don’t know. Maybe five and a half feet. So she has this snake and this snake is really fit.

Me: How fit?

Irvine: CrossFit fit. If this snake could CrossFit it would and it would be a bad ass CrossFitter.

Me: How do you even measure snake fitness? It can’t do pull ups.

Irvine: It doesn’t need to do pull ups. In snake terms this might be the fittest snake on earth.

Me: Is this a true story?

Irvine: Yes. Shut up and listen to the story.

Me: This story is taking forever.

Irvine: So this snake…

Me: Start over. I was only half listening. Wait, did you ever tell me who this girl was?

Irvine: It is not important. Wait until the end to ask questions. I promise you will like the story. You are too impatient.

Me: So

Irvine: So this girls snake is the fittest snake on earth. Now snakes may eat only once or twice a month depending on the snake and depending on the size of the food.

Me: What does this snake eat?

Irvine: She feeds it live rats

Me: Sweet

Irvine: Several months ago this snake stopped eating and she became very concerned.

Me: Does she have other pets?

Irvine: No

Me: Did she have a rat problem in her house before the snake stopped eating the food she gave it?

Irvine: No

Me: Ok. What about…

Irvine: DUDE! So the snake stopped eating and she is really worried. She lets the snake roam around the house and she has a cage for it but he isn’t in there very often.

Me: How big can these snakes get?

Irvine: In the wild they can get up to fifteen feet. Focus. My friend calls the vet about her snake. The vet is not a snake specialist but he asks a few questions and says he will get back to her in a few days. He calls her back and he starts asking her questions.  He asks her if she sleeps with the snake to which she replies yes

Me: What?!

Irvine: it is quite common for snake owners to sleep with their snakes.

 

*pause

This is where I should have interjected with a crass joke about sleeping with my snake but I didn’t

*continue

 

Irvine: She doesn’t cuddle with it but it is in the bed with her.

Me: Why?

Irvine: I don’t know, but anyway she sleeps…

Me: With a snake! Are you guys still friends?

Irvine: What?

Me: Is this story about a girl who is still your friend or about the girl you USED to be friends with until you found out she sleeps with a python

Irvine: It is a boa. There is a difference

Me: What’s the difference?

Irvine: I don’t know. So anyway, she tells the vet she sleeps with the snake and he is not surprised because in his research he found this to be quite common. He asks her if the snake sleeps coiled up or if it is stretched out straight while it is sleeping and she finds this question surprising. She tells him that it used to sleep coiled up but since it stopped eating it now sleeps stretched out. The vet tells her not to sleep with the snake, don’t even go home, just call animal control and have them put the snake back in the cage.

Me: Why?

Irvine: The snake has been intentionally starving itself so he can eat the girl.

Me: WHAT?!

Irivne: He hasn’t been eating for months and he has been sleeping fully extending to stretch his stomach out so he can EAT my friend.

Me: How?

Irvine: I don’t know how but that was his plan. To eat her.

 

Now there was plenty more discussion about the logistics of eating a human but the takeaway is clear. CrossFit is a GPP program designed to increase your work capacity and improve the outcomes in unknown and unknowable situations. Were you to wake up with a snake having swallowed your legs I can see a clear benefit to being strong. How awesome is that? 

Comments

[Stroh]

This story is some serious social currency. I told it over dinner last night at at friend's house and they were all aghast.

How well do you know this "friend" Irvine?